I Love a Parade, just not this one

Posted in Politics and Justice by EloiSVM42 on February 8, 2018

I don’t want to write about President Donald J. Trump’s order for a military parade; it’s just too, well, silly. But, the intellectual inconsistency between Trump’s complaints that the military is too underfunded to perform its missions, and demanding a military parade that will cost lots of money and siphon military men and machinery away from those very missions, cannot go unobserved.

This kind of parade is just not our thing, Donald. We prefer parades with happy themes and colorful decorations, not parades of impressive but somber military machines and drab camouflage garb. That’s for North Korea. Think Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade (giant balloons); Mardi Gras parades (gold, green and purple costumes, beads, bare boobs); The Rose Bowl Parade (flower covered floats); even Easter Parades (soft, furry bunnies).

 Besides, there’s something just not right about tanks rumbling down Pennsylvania Avenue. That’s the stuff of apocalyptic movies, not our nation’s capital. Can’t you sense that?

 True, we sometimes have big military parades, but those generally occur after a war is over and we have won, so we haven’t really had an occasion for one in quite a while, unless you count President Reagan’s glorious victory over Granada, but that didn’t really merit a parade, did it? It was over in about a day and a half. I don’t remember that we actually had a parade over that one.

We lost the Viet Nam War. We’ve been fighting in Afghanistan now through three presidential administrations without a result, or any hope of a favorable one. George W. Bush and Dick Cheney might argue that we won the Iraq War, but we didn’t really, and in any case, it turned out to be a spectacularly bad idea. Pull us out of the Middle East and maybe we can talk about it.

There remains the issue of your motivation for this parade. I’m guessing megalomania – your delusions of grandeur. Look, if you really want to get off over a parade, and save a lot of money, go to an Army training base and have the recruits march around in front you to your heart’s content.  

But remember what Medal Honor winner Colonel John Jacobs said about marching, as compared to other aspects of military training: “When you are finished marching, all you have learned to do is march.”

But, if you are hell bent on having this parade (I’m thinking someone will talk or shame you out of it), I suggest you have it on May Day – May 1. Isn’t that the day that Russia and other tin pot dictators and third world despots trot out their military prowess and march it around?


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